since when is marriage.....

**zelazny** · April 24th, 2004, 12:35 AM

Wow.. great thread, first of all.

And as far as marriage goes.. it's a ritual for me. A point where you both decide "We want to go on together". All the other mysticism aside, that's what it boils down to.

But i still feel that marriage is overrated and that a good relationship could grow and exist for years, decades, without marriage. But i don't have any experience in that field, so it's just an opinion.

**SHATOUSHKA** · April 24th, 2004, 03:15 AM

it could be about you......

TastinGood · April 24th, 2004, 03:25 AM

but it could also be about Kingbean!

**SHATOUSHKA** · April 24th, 2004, 03:27 AM

no. it couldn't be.

it would be about my cats before it could be
relational to kn.......

....now back to you....

TastinGood · April 24th, 2004, 03:44 AM

Sorry. I just dont see how it could be about me.

When married, I'd not exercise the hypocrisy pointed out in the first post.

**SHATOUSHKA** · April 24th, 2004, 08:20 AM

wm touched on some very heavy, very real issues
that happen all the time. attending marriage
counselling alone is absurd. you had every right
to pack your shit.

wm is also right in that the 'passion' will fade...
and you DO have to be friends...

if you cannot approach your spouse about ANYTHING...
you shouldn't be married.

**Trampis** · April 24th, 2004, 02:35 PM

I guess as a man I felt like I had to be perfect for my wife,and I wasnt.I think a lot of men go through there twenties restless.A man in his twenties is trying to figure out where he stands in society.How much money and power will i have?,whats important to me in life?,things like that.And the worst thing a guy can do during this time is get married and take on responsibility of wife and possibly kids.Some guys get it figured out early.Some,like me,it takes longer.

I think it used to be that a woman would stay around through this period to see how her man was going to turn out.It doesnt seem that way anymore.Most of the couples I know that get divorced is because the woman isnt happy,her man didnt turn out to be the money maker or the solver of all her problems or the person she hoped he would be.

I know a woman cant stay in abusive relationships,and or drug/alcohol problem relationships.You cant wait around for a guy to fix that.

I just cringe when anyone younger then 25 gets married.

**Mystyx** · April 24th, 2004, 10:23 PM

Exactly.... I don't feel my choice was wrong at all.... he was an excellent provider....I wanted for nothing..... money had that..nice house.....I wanted to spend 400.00 a stupid house bobble I did.... he felt being a good provider was all there was too it...Insisted on nothing more.... Its more.... a lot more..... But you can NOT do it alone and wait 20 yrs for them to go... Oh ok I am ready now.... when you get married you BOTH have to work on it.... why should to women be the one to wait it out while he figures it out.... at least if there is more then the passion hanging around, friendship between the crack and an underlinging common place between them...they will get thru those hard times..... does that make sense....

This is not 1940 anymore...values have changed, times have changed, people have changed, men and women together have changed, thier wants have changed, we need to change with it too..move into the future and not keep longing for the past....yes past values seemed more stable and solid.... but people also lived thier lives with emptiness.... living only to see the length and never the width...its no longer the case...we found out souls and are spirits and damn it we are gonna feed them.... I see nothng wrong with that.... BUT the problem in the meantime is the transition...we all as a human race are gonna blunder til we get it right..... while we are doing that..the sad part is people do the drive thru marriage and kids...and the drive thru divorce just as fast.... I agree marriage needs to be taken much more serious when entering that institution.... I had once thought... much like when you gonna get baptized, you have to take several classes to do so.... to enter marriage, before a certain age, you do much of the same... just a thought....like say 35... if you haven't understood the importance of value of it by then...you probably never will...

So anyhow.... like I said for me and only me.... I am glad I did not stick around for the last 11 yrs to see how he turned out.... cause right now.... I would be a hollow shell of nothing... and he still plattoed where he is.... but I see value in what your saying and it does make me think....